Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
