Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
