i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
