My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
