It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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