since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
