I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
