Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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