I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
