So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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