it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
there is glitter all over my balls
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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