Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
