I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
someone threw a dead crab at me
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
