i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
