I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
