Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
