FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
