and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
