11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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