dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
we should paint friendship bongs
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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