ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
