Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Operation Purity has been aborted
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
