I love watching others lives come down to our level.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
