It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
