I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
