I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
