You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
