Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
