I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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