i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
