I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
