I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
