Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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