Your tits are I can't wait for
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
