please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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