This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Less talking, more tequila
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
