Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
