so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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