I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
This house was built for laser tag.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
