I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I got inside last night via doggy door
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
