I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
