"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
