It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
