i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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