You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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