I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
