sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
