We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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