"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
