i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
