We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
