dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
