the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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