My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
